TYPES
OF RAPE
The Cockroach in the Cappuccino, Reflections from a survivor of domestic violence
Marion Meyer experienced debilitating domestic violence in her first
marriage and after 11 years of working her way through it - with the help
too, of a kind and understanding new husband, she sent this note to
SpeakOut which epitomises some of the challenges one has to face: (Marion
Meyer (c) 2004): "I had a wonderful day yesterday, phoning friends
and invited one for coffee. Like me, she has also had a stroke and part of
our speech is still damaged. We constantly search for words and we sit and
laugh and the one tries to find the word the other one is looking for,
which leads to more laughter and hilarity. She is looking for the word
ceiling, and I will come up with windmill etc and it leads to much
hysteria.
Seeing it was such a special day and she had baked scones, I decided to
make cappuccino, which I love. All my friends who eat out with me, know
that my day in town is not complete till I have that cup of cappuccino.
Some places know just how I love it. I give them the brown sugar from the
table and ask them to add it to the coffee before adding the froth on top.
So that you don't have to stir it and lose some of the froth. And when I
drink it, I love the feeling of the froth sticking on my lips and the
smiles and laughter of friends. And I eat out the very last drop and froth
with a teaspoon. Enjoyment to the end.
When I made ours, I made them in my special mugs, I keep for a special
occasion. I added some hot chocolate to the top and piped cream on top as
well, delicious and decadent.
While carrying it to the veranda, I noticed what appeared to be two bits
of ground coffee in the cream. We took sips and sighed and remarked how
lovely it was. She took another sip and then I really looked at her
coffee. Now there were two tiny bits sticky out through the foam. A
twig????? I said "what is this" and put my fingers into the foam
and pulled out an enormous cockroach. It was its feet sticking out. We
laughed and laughed and threw it over the balcony, still surrounded by its
cream. And looked at it and laughed and laughed and made some more.
And this is the choice you face in life: you can spend the most wonderful
moments with your friends and in the back of your mind, those cockroach
feet stick out, spoiling your time with friends. Those bad memories are
there - lurking in the background, ready to spoil your special moments
spent together. And in the end, the decision is yours to make. Throw that
cup of cappuccino out, look really well at the cockroach and decide this
is it, no more cockroaches lurking in my cappuccino and pour a new cup and
savor every sip you take and really enjoy it and eat that last bit out
with a spoon. Make it the best bit.
And next time a friend/acquaintance makes a callous remark about domestic
violence, I will reach across and touch her hand and tell her"
"You know, I have been there. It happened to me. Look at me, I am a
lovely, loving, trusting, confident woman, and it was difficult for me to
get out of that situation. It can destroy you. I had to work hard to be
proud of me again." And I will leave it at that
We can choose how to lead our life.