types

TYPES OF RAPE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

A BLOW AGAINST ONE WOMAN IS A CRIME AGAINST ALL WOMEN - AN INJURY TO ONE, IS AN INJURY TO ALL

In 1864, wife battering was made a criminal offence under Swedish law. Despite this, domestic violence still occurs in Sweden, as it does all over the world, 130 years later.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

How could you explain the fact that men are still battering women in our modern democratic society?

In most cases where women are exposed to violence, the perpetrator is her partner or ex-partner. The violence usually takes place in the home where no outsiders can witness what is going on. The balance of power between men and women in society is still in men's favour. In a surprisingly large number of cases, it is the man who takes all decisions in the family. Just as he did 130 years ago. There is a close link between men's violence against women and the imbalance in power between women and men. In families where the two parties are on equal terms, violence seldom occurs. In the long run, the only way to stop violence against women is to increase equality. Thousand cases of violence against women a year are reported in which the man who carried out the assault is known to the woman. Yet by no means all cases appear in the statistics. In Sweden, but not South Africa, assault, rape and threatening behaviour are crimes that go under the general laws of prosecution. This means that the man can be charged even if it is not the woman herself who reports the offence. It makes no difference whether the crime was committed in a public place or in the home. In SA the woman has to lay a charge - or for R50 she can obtain an interdict preventing the man from coming near her or assaulting her at any magistrates court - however, not all men comply with this.

There are many myths concerning violence against women. One suggests that only a certain type of women get attacked. This is wrong. All kinds of women are beaten, from all professions and all social classes. The only thing they have in common is the fact that they have been attacked. The same applies to the man, who carries out the attacks. Another myth is that men who attack women as a rule are either drunk or high on drugs. This is wrong, too. Most men are in full control of their senses when they lash out. A third myth says that battered women often leave a violent relationship only to get involved in another - that is not true either. Nor is it true that women provoke men into beating them. Most men beat the women to assert their control over her. Myths are kept alive so that we do not feel we have to confront the problem. So that we can claim it does not concern us. To an outsider, it may seem strange that a woman remains in a relationship where she is being beaten. There are numerous explanations: The woman is afraid that no one will believe her. The man is often charming and pleasant with others - the kind of person you tend to like. As the man switches between violent behaviour and tender remorse, the woman keeps hoping that he will get better and stop the beatings. The woman is often frightened into staying - the man may do anything from threatening suicide to threatening to kill her. Many women feel it is their own fault if they are getting assaulted and are ashamed to admit it to people around them. He is the man she has loved and shared her life with. He is often the father of the children. Walking out is not an easy thing to do. Where should she go? Can she afford to leave? What will happen to the children?

CHILDREN LIVING IN FAMILIES WHERE VIOLENCE IS PREVALENT

Children also suffer in a family with a violent father. Children react in very different ways. They feel bad and become unsettled. Some of them become silent, others become troublemakers. Many children, too, take the blame for the violence on themselves. Children who have grown up in a family in which violence is prevalent tend to believe that this is the only way to solve conflicts. Adults in contact with these children must be sensitive to their behaviour, try to find out what is happening and learn to read the signs. The mother must be given help in withdrawing from the violent relationship.

If children are forced to see their mother being beaten there is a considerable risk that they will grow up with their mother's scars. Or with their father's flying fists.

"THE WORST SCARS ARE INSIDE"

Withdrawing from a violent relationship is never easy. When the bruises and swellings have disappeared, the scars inside you remain. Despite this, many women succeed in leaving the men who beat them and start a new life. To find the courage to do this they sometimes need professional help. Talking with someone else who has been in the same situation and who knows how it feels is also important. There are many people who can help. A phone call may be the first step.

If you suspect that a woman is being maltreated, you should ask her about it. It can sometimes be a relief to find someone who understands what is going on. Take the first step - you don't deserve to be treated with anything less than respect and caring.