v Emotional and psychological level.

v Physical level e.g. Hitting, boxing, kicking. Injuries often occur on parts of the body that are normally clothed.

v Practical level e.g. having to flee her home.

v Financial level.

1. Physiological (diarrhea, trembling, sleep disturbance).

2. Behavioral (hyper vigilance, withdrawal or excessive changes in activity, communication or interaction).

3. Cognitive (poor thinking or concentration, confusion, flashbacks).

4. Emotional (fear, anxiety, guilt, anger or withdrawal).

v Be attentive.

v Unconditionally accept the victim.

v Be interested.

v Ask questions sensitively and only if really necessary.

v Reflect on what you’ve been hearing.

v Clarify uncertainties, facts and emotions.

v Make encouraging gestures, verbal as well as nonverbal.

v Be sensitive.

v Be open-minded.

v Treat victim with respect and dignity.

Ø Family conflict: Relationships may have become so imbalanced that the family members spark off a fight with the least reason. A cycle develops whereby very little is necessary to start a fight. This often happens at times when the family is under stress, such as during financial crisis and other social problems. When they understand the reason why they fight so much, they will possibly cope better. They also have to be taught and guided how to stop this cycle and to resolve conflict better.

Ø Wife battering: Wife battering is also a definite cycle of behavior. She doesn’t need to do much to spark off a battering incident. He feels bad afterwards and tries to make up (honeymoon stage). Slowly the tension starts to build up again until the next battering happens. She realizes her role and her own feelings of guilt make it difficult to do anything until she realizes that she can’t carry on like this.

Ø Unfortunately the intensity of the battering increases and the time periods between battering becomes less. The diagram tries to explain this battering cycle. The woman needs to understand the cycle and to really understand that she basically will be a victim of battering until the next time.

Ø Face the crises and decide to do something about it.

Ø Accept responsibility to do something about the crisis.

Ø Get back some control. Control the impact it has on her. She must try to also feel she is at least in control of some of her circumstances.

Ø Be realistic. She mustn’t work herself up about things that might never happen.

Ø Analyze her personal strength and confirm that she is able to cope.

Ø Help her to self communicate in a constructive manner. Help her to focus on aspects that she can cope with and not to get bogged down with thoughts that will worsen her functioning.

Comparing the composition of the Non-Violent Wheel and the Violent- Wheel during therapy, may indicate areas that can be focused on during therapy.

Ø Decide on a plan:

Ø They want a “strong” person to protect and guide them.

Ø They need someone who will help them maintain contact with reality. Remember that they often feel as if they are going “mad” because they don’t understand the totality, variety and intensity of their feelings.

Ø They feel exceedingly empty and need loving and often a significant other (friend or family) can be motives to just fulfill this need, without becoming absorbed into the dynamics of the relationship.

Ø They need a counselor available for a feeling of security.

Ø They need to share their feelings of guilt with someone they can really trust.

Ø Many victims have an urgent need to talk this out. “Let me get this off my chest”.

Ø They need to sort out their ideas and thoughts. You need to help them systematically sort out their feelings so that they can carry on and feel in control.

Ø They may ask you to help them understand and even develop insight into various aspects of their problems. Often they will feel more in control when they can understand the dynamics of, for instance, a battering relationship.

Ø They may need you to get them to a doctor and to support them through the medical check up and tests.

Ø They may need some practical help, such as clean clothes, a bath, transport home or even a food parcel for the family at home.

Ø They may need you to refer them for specific help to an actual community resource, such as the court for a court interdict. A referral letter normally helps them feel safer to request help.

Ø Some may even say “I want nothing” and all you can do is be there and support them.

Ø Don’t block strong emotions and don’t take them personally. Help the victim blow off steam.

Ø Don’t generalize, e.g. “Most teenagers have similar problems”. Take the individual victim and the problems, which are unique to her, seriously.

Ø Don’t moralize: a problem is not right or wrong. Do not impose your own values and morals on the victim. What is right for you are not necessary right for the victim.

Ø Don’t agree: first hear her out fully. It is not necessary to be liked by your victim. Acceptance does not necessary mean agreement.

Ø Do not reassure: e.g. “Don’t worry Sally, everything will be alright”. It may not be alright.

Ø Don’t preach: (People who are themselves very religious must take special care not to do this.) As you accept the victim, her guilt often leads to confession. Confession calls for grace not preaching.

Ø Do not use external frame of reference: possibly the biggest difficulty faced by a counselor. Never ask irrelevant questions. DEAL WITH THE CONTENT THAT THE VICTIM PRESENTS.

Ø Don’t try to provide answers: To counsel does not mean to give answers - this implies that you have taken over the problem as your own. In helping the victim to help herself, the counselor must assist the victim to arrive at the victim’s own answer.

Ø Don’t feel satisfied with yourself as a counselor: Feel pleased about the way you handled a session, and always strive to improve your counseling ability.

Ø Provide a warm, accepting and emphatic relationship.

Ø Allow the victim to set the pace of the session.

Ø Assist the victim to discover feelings of which she is unaware by reflecting the content of what she is saying. Allow her to be herself and to feel, as she needs to feel.

Ø Permit and assist the victim to give vent to her feelings.

Ø Assist the victim to come to terms with these feelings.

Ø Strive to maintain the self-respect of both the victim and the counselor.

Ø Clarify the issues for the victim.

Ø Assist the victim to examine the possible actions she can take. Help her to weigh up the pros and cons of each option.

Ø Provide relevant information.

Ø Allow the victim the freedom to make her own decisions.

Ø Pick up point where he/she will meet the person assisting or counselor.

Ø Togetherness / touch when he/she experiences that the person assisting or counselor or organization is really available to help her.

Ø Start support when the person assisting or the counselor and victim decide what treatment or help she will be prepared to utilize. She also has the choice whether she wants to press charges or not.

Ø The legal process should be explained. The person assisting or counselor should support the victim to decide whether she will carry on with the entire legal process.