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Where are the Men? Pondering 16 days of activism...
by Charlene Smith, Eastern Cape Herald, 28 November, 2004

Manthatisi fought off invaders and colonialists from her fortress, Joala-Boholo near Ficksburg int he 19th century. Her people lived in peace and prosperity while strongly resisting any attempts to subjugate them.
It was a time when, Lesotho Chief Brenahabokhethe Sekonyela tells us, no man would have dared raise a hand to a woman. To harm a woman is against African tradition he says, and in the areas he governs, if a man beats a woman, “we take him to the mountains and speak with him, he will not do it again.”

In 1956 when women marched on parliament they chanted, “you strike a woman, you strike a rock” and became warrior women in the cause of universal franchise in South Africa.

Today, when all have the right to vote and a third of all seats in parliament are guaranteed to women, the daughters and great-granddaughters of those warrior women are little more than pillars of sand. You strike us and we crumble.

One could say that it is because a woman is murdered every six hours by her intimate partner as the Human Sciences Research Council told us this winter, or it might be because a woman is raped every minute as a survey of 3 500 by the University of Cape Town's Unilever Institute of Strategic Marketing indicated earlier this month. This they said means about one third of SA women will be raped in their lifetime, which should give comfort to those who followed previous research that one in two SA women would get raped in their lifetime.

Perhaps we are pillars of sand because 41% of those raped, according to the police, are children under the age of 18. It is noble to suggest that harm to children wounds women, but it ignores how women harm children too or connive in the rape of their offspring.

A Lieutenant Colonel in the SA Airforce received three years of correctional supervision in Pretoria this week for having raped his stepdaughter from the age of 12, she is now 17. On a previous occasion he was arrested for raping his stepdaughter, but the child’s mother succeeded in having the charges dropped because she was financially burdened.

This, despite the fact, that a friend had put secret cameras in her daughter’s room which filmed the rape of the child by the stepfather. The tapes made a magistrate cry, but the mother appeared more interested in material wellbeing than preventing her daughter’s emotional destruction.

We lose sight of the meaning of these 16 days of action to prevent violence against women if we portray all women as martyrs to testosterone imbalanced men and don’t also investigate our role in our oppression.

We are pillars of sand because we have become so interested in status and personal gain that we have forgotten the moral courage it requires to act against injustice. We are more concerned about mixing in elite circles, than loudly protesting the fact that a man who raped a child for five years gets only three years correctional supervision.

Truth-saying is surely less important than a gold embossed invitation.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu, recently touched on this when he said the vigorous debate of the anti-apartheid movement had given way to “servile, self-seeking flattery … I would have wished to see far more open debate, for instance, of the HIV and Aids views of the president in the ANC.” He noted that of those HIV infected: "Most victims are blacks (but) many of the most dedicated, most committed workers in the anti-HIV and Aids campaign are whites. That is something to celebrate."
Mamphele Ramphele, Steve Biko’s partner before she became vice chancellor of the University of Cape Town and now a World Bank director, prophesied this nation of sand people on Human Rights Day 1999, when she noted: “White academics (no longer) speak out on issues of national concern because they (fear) they will be labeled racist. Black academics do not criticize government because of misplaced loyalty… A culture of silence is putting South Africa’s democracy at risk.”
Since then the silence has deepened and the political attacks on those who raise concerns about everything from water supplies for the poor, to sexual violence, has intensified.
And so, these are the 16 days of hypocrisy, which happen to fall during South Africa’s peak ‘rape month’: December. Every October magazines carry pink ribbons for breast cancer awareness sponsored by cosmetic companies. On World AIDS day, December 1, all will wear red ribbons, including the politicians who delay universal treatment for HIV for those at risk or infected.
But how many people wear the white ribbon symbolizing a commitment to end violence against women? On Women’s Day some cities and businesses give flowers to women – during these 16 days who will sponsor men giving olive branches or white flowers to women? Which men will do it without sponsorship? That includes those who say they would kill a person who ever touched their wife/girlfriend/daughter (they’ll never get a chance because it’s unlikely the perpetrator will get caught), it includes those who hit the reply button on email petitions, an exercise in futility if ever there was one.
The white ribbon campaign began in Montreal, Canada after a crazed gunman held 14 women hostage in a university dorm in 1989. A group of Canadian men were so appalled that they vowed to campaign to end violence against women.
But sexual violence has become the fastest growing crime in the world and the one least likely to see an effective conviction. The trafficking of women and children has become more profitable than drugs with more than a million women and children trafficked a year. Recently we saw gangs trafficking South African children being smashed by police – those gangs are the smallest tip of the iceberg of the problem in South Africa. What have we heard from politicians about the resources that will be devoted to fight this?
I don’t know why women’s groups devote so much energy to these 16 days. It should be our husbands, fathers, lovers, sons and friends marching and speaking out. This isn’t a women’s campaign at all, it’s a men’s campaign.

So where are the men?

We have had some politicians trot out overworn phrases. Some have promised to light candles to stop violence against women on international human rights day, December 10, which I am sure will be a great help in making South Africa a safer place for women and children.

During these 16 days many women will join marches, prayer vigils and seminars – while their men stay at home and watch rugby or soccer. We should be at home having tea, while men take to the streets and make them safe for us. That after all is the message behind the white ribbon campaign.

And after that it would be nice if the 4 000 women’s organizations in South Africa did more to unite in the battle against sexual violence in South Africa. We would know we had a chance of winning this battle if instead of them being concerned about how many government task teams they sat on, they publically defended every woman attacked by a person who controlled power – whether a wife beater or an elected official.

Until then abusers and criminals will continue to kick sand in our faces.