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Drugs and rape, 9 November, 2005

I don't know where to start. Recently my best friend X warned me to stay away from one of our hostel friends- "he raped some one" she said. Apparently this happened last week friday -I think they were getting high together with a few other boys. She later told me he didn't actually rape the girl but would have if some of the boys hadn't stopped him.

X and R encouraged the young girl to tell them what happened. She said "all his friends held me down"... It seems he fingered her. R spoke to him about it and he just laughed.

As you can see, I don't know all the facts. the young girl doesn't know that I know and on one level I'm trying to protect her privacy and because it is a sensitive issue I don't want to interfere and mess everything up even more but on another level this IS my business. Rape is everyones business... I want to do SOMETHING about it. Is is true that the police won't care because it wasn't "really" rape? I think that the boys aren't willing to say anything.

The young girl doesn't know that I know, nobody does except X. I'm not supposed to know, but I want to do SOMETHING to get him out of the school- not because I'm scared of him but because she shouldn't have to face him every day next year. Also I want to protect her privacy as much a possible. We're apprehensive about telling the school staff our personal business as we have experience with them sharing it with each other and students- in the past the most discreet matters have become staff room chit-chat- I don't want that for this girl... Also I can't say anything without the girls permission.

We really need to do something and we're feeling pretty helplesss- torn between desparately wanting to protect her privacy (it's understandable that she would be particular about who knows) and really wanting to protect her sense of security by getting him AWAY from her and the potential "next" girl. I don't want to shrug this off and let my indifference cause this for another girl.

PLEASE help, please call X (number given).
Desparately,
Niki

SpeakOut!
I can't call Xanthe because I don't know if she wants to discuss this. I can't break confidences. You use X and R all through and then expect me to phone someone. It doesn't work like that .
When you say this person is a "young girl" how old is she? She can't be that young if she is getting high.
Using fingers is called 'digital rape' - it's rape alright. People don't just use penisses - most penisses don't work, they use sticks, bottles, fingers, animals, mouths, you name it... and it's all rape and the law sees it as such.
Rape is everyone's business - maybe. You don't have the right to act on my behalf or anyone else's behalf. The person who was raped must be encouraged and helped to take action IF SHE WANTS TOO> If she doesn't then you are as bad as the rapist - acting against her will and without her permission - unless she is a child under the age of 16, the one is compelled by law to inform the police.
If other guys held her down then they are accessories to rape - it is an exceedingly serious offence, so charges would be brought - if this girl wanted it - against the group and not just one person.
Secondly, many drugs especially tik and cocaine see people lose inhibitions and become very sexual. We are having real problems at the moment with growing numbers of young women using tik or coke with guys and then coming to us after they get raped. If you use these drugs (or even drink too much) you have to know you are putting yourself at severe risk.
So unless this girl co-operates I doubt we are going to be able to take action directly against these guys ... but what we can do is devise a drug and rape awareness programme for the school, I can approach the school head (who is it? with phone number and name of school) and say I am aware of problems, without going into details and work out a programme with them (after I have discussed it with you first). The people we are aiming this at will know who we are aiming it at, and it might encourage this girl and others to come forward.
Be calm and strategic - be clever about this.

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