ADDICTION & RECOVERY
A
SURVIVOR'S GUIDE
This section was put together by rape survivor and recovering alcoholic and drug addict, Tanya, interspersed with personal experience and research from major organisations dealing with alcohol and narcotics addiction.
“In sharing my personal experience I hope to prevent benefit another from choosing the destructive path of addiction. It has taken a huge amount of deliberate effort & commitment as well a desire to heal.…Healing does take place…You make that choice ” by Tanya
The end product of any traumatic experience is: Pain. We are offered silly sayings as consolation like: "Time heals all". But I believe, it's what we do with that time that determines the quality of healing. It sets us apart from survivor or victim. I loathe the word victim, as it implies death and finality. As a survivor of rape, I am reminded how close I came to completing the task, the rapist set out to do: Taking my mind captive too. It is with this premise that healing begins. Every victory I achieve is in spite of the fear that results from rape. My survival consists of two choices: life or death. In choosing life, we defy the actions of the rapist by guarding, vigilantly against the potential destructive mental force it can exact. In choosing death, we allow the rapist victory by consenting to defeat.
After rape I was paralysed by nightmares, crying, flashbacks, nervousness & nausea. I felt despair and mourned the loss of "normality." Venturing into public areas was a huge obstacle (quick movements made me jumpy or I'd look at people suspiciously and try to second- guess their motives). I avoided people concscious of my trembling hands, stammering, inability to finish sentences. I feared I might be going mad,a psychologist later that this was Post Traumatic Stress. I stopped functioning. Stopped talking. Stopped living.
A doctor
prescribed sedatives, which provided the calm I needed. I had no idea
that they are chemically mind altering and dependence on them leads to
taking more and more, as the efficacy of the drugs wore off. So, the more
afraid I felt, the more tablets I needed. This progressed to a glass of
wine with tablets whenever I felt panic. As the addiction escalated, so
did the amount of alcohol and tablets. If it offered the oblivion I needed,
I took it. I discovered later: That drugs re-awaken the craving for "magic"
via alcohol or some kind of "high" to achieve the desired effect.
I secretly hoped that if I avoided dealing with the rape, perhaps one
day it would magically disappear.
As I waited
for the results of my first HIV test, I was confronted with so many "What
if?" possibilities. It became unbearable, so I turned to my solvent, when
distressed: tablets, alcohol or both. I needed that feeling of numbness.
My justification was: " I'm going to die,so, I don't care anymore…Nothing
matters!" An increased sense of futility contributed to my attitude of:
"What's the use…my life is over". This continued, until my year
test (with each test, I had to face possibility of HIV- infection). I
remember thinking: "I can't believe I get another chance to live!" A celebration
of reward for my new lease on life started which would be good reason
to drink too. My addictive behaviour, was not limited to only negative
emotions anymore.
I was in a cycle of addiction. But as my anger about the impact of rape
on my life turned to rage, not even the alcohol or drugs could provide
the escape my mind craved. One night out of anger and shame, I decided
to end it all. A full box of sleeping tablets; a month's prescription
of tranquillisers and as much alcohol as my body would allow…I felt
my mind slipping into a numb state… Drifting into an abyss of "nothingness".
After that I decided to seek sobriety. It's as if someone switched on
a light in the dark & it clicked (in my mind), for the very first time.
I realised that in my mind-altered state, chemical substances, took the
liberty of making choices on my behalf – not me, as person. It also
had a name: substance dependency. I am humbled by the fact that what sets
me apart from the addict is just one drink/drug. This stops me from being
too complacent. Having said that, I must add the following analogy as
caution: When substance dependence kicks in, you may as well give the"
keys of your house"(brains) to a stranger for safekeeping.
Addictive behaviour twists your personality dynamic into a scheming, shameful
robot that is subsisting for the next "quick-fix" solution-And, as with
everything in life, there are never instant solutions. If not physically
fatal, the behaviour will eventually lead to irreversible consequences
which could include suicide, being arrested for using illegal drugs or
assault, battering, stabbing, mugging or fatal injuries...
As toxic
as addiction is the denial it spawns.
Denial means our thinking and judgement is bent out of shape. You are
dangerously compromising situations for example: drinking & driving;"
black-outs"; financial loss; aggressive behaviour due to drugs/drinks,
family breakdown, due to neglected behaviour or abusive behaviour. When
we look for reasons to justify drug/drink behaviour, we refuse to see
that we are lying to ourselves. We will always find reasons, for example:
either you are having a good day or a bad day; perhaps you were emotionally
high or emotionally low; you were too afraid or not afraid at all; finances
were lost or gained…the list continues.
The rape was a catalyst for the addiction to be activated. Avoidance mentality
was a strong indicator that my problems would manifest in other forms
such as depression and addiction, because I tried to escape from pain
and hurt. The thing about trauma is that if it is left unchecked it will
run riot in your body and when you least expect it will resurface. So,
we can look at addictive behaviour and say: "What are you teaching me?"-A
positive advantage is turning your adversity around. Behavioural responses
and thinking patterns must modified to maintain recovery and abstinence.
Your body uses addiction to display signs of an underlying problem, it
could be saying: " There are some issues I have avoided. "My unrealistic
fear of the dark is a result of the trauma my body is experiencing. By
challenging my fear, I recover and gain strength.
By being informed on the types of physical & mental reactions you are
likely to experience after a trauma you remove potential, future stumbling
blocks (see Post traumatic Stress section of site). This gives you, the
survivor, the power to make informed choices. Don't underestimate the
value of working through a traumatic experience. This is perhaps the only
route towards recovery.
Addiction
is a disease-not a disgrace:
Alcoholism is an addiction to the drug in alcohol. Like addicts, we stay
away from the first dose of the drug we have become addicted to. It is
a health problem, not a moral problem. The addicted individual does not
choose to become an alcoholic nor does their illness stem from a lack
of willpower. The addicted person is in need of medical attention. Without
treatment the disease of addiction progresses. The addicted person's suffering
may lead to permanent physical damage; mental damage; and an early death.
There is no cure for addiction. The disease is treatable, it's progress
can be arrested and recovery is possible. (*From Shick-Shadel Hospital,
Washington Rehab. Centre)
It is only when the addict faces up to their problem that a process of
recovery begins. This choice is the addict's responsibility. Even the
most severely addicted are left with the power to choose, whether to use
the substance or not. It helps the addict to know, there is no shame in
seeking help and being in recovery.
Addiction
explained:
One
has to understand how addictive disease works for recovery to be effective.
The successive levels of addiction, is explained by Stepping Stones Addiction
Centre, Cape-Town (hppt//:www.steppingstones.co.za)
It is important to distinguish between the three levels:
- Substance
use:
- •
Is when a person uses drugs/drink in a way, which has no serious impact
on their lives.
• Anyone who has a predisposition to the disease of addiction will become an addict-if they continue to uses drugs/drink. - Substance abuse:
- •
Is a pattern of use that becomes problematic, in one or more areas of
their life: e.g. failure to fulfil work or domestic demands; may result
in legal problems.
• May create high-risk situations: drunk driving; black -outs; abusive behaviour-through physical aggression.
• Use of substance may continue, despite these problems. - Substance dependence:
- •
The person needs more and more to get the same effect.
• Will feel physical and/or psychological withdrawal symptoms if the substance is not taken.
• The substance is taken in larger amounts and/or longer periods.
• This loss of control over the use of the drug/drink--is an indicator that the person has crossed the invisible line into addiction territory.
• Using, or getting the substance dominates the person's life.
• It is crucial that significant others intervene (click here for section on how family can help).
Important
to know:
•
No one really knows in advance whether or not they have a predisposition
to addiction, which affects 10-15% of the population.
• Once the disease has been activated, it progresses, making the
lives of the alcoholic/addict unmanageable.
• Denial is a basic feature of the disease. The addict sees things
through lenses, which screen out the harmful consequences.
• Depending on progress, one can determine the degree of a person's
motivation to change.
The HOW to recover: H-honesty O-open mind W-willingness
What is treatment and how does it work?
This can
take the form of detoxification or the immediate treatment of any life-threatening
disorders that may have occurred (e.g. liver-failure). Since addictive
disease is primarily a brain disease from which the behavioural symptoms
of the condition arise, the primary treatment is psychotherapy.
The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous & Narcotics Anonymous include the
principles from which most successful treatment plans bring about recovery.
Permanent recovery is usually accomplished through continued involvement
in self-help/support groups and continuing care. (* From THE BETTY FORD
CENTER BOOK OF ANSWERS by Dr. West. Betty Ford Center, U.S.A-see useful
web- sites.)
Seeking professional help:
An alcoholic
can start by consulting a doctor for an assessment and/or referral. A
doctor may decide on one or more of the following:
• Immediate medical treatment
• Psychiatric or psychological intervention
• Detoxification through rehabilitation facility
• Self-help/support groups
Addicts that fall under the substance use & substance abuse category,
will benefit from the help of self-help/support groups. While persons
who fall into the substance dependency category will nee to be admitted
to a rehabilitation facility.
An addict/alcoholic, who has been using for a prolonged period, need supervision.
Going "cold-turkey" may be fatal for some addicts.
Alcohol and drugs CAN cause depression (affects the chemical balance of
the brain), so check with a psychiatrist to determine if you are clinically
depressed. No amount of group support from self-help groups will be effective
if your mental & physical well-being is not intact.
Practical
guidelines for recovery:
It is important to get your hands on as much literature & information
as you can, and be well informed. This will ensure you understand the
nature of addiction.
Some practical
guidelines: (adapted from book: Living Sober-A.A world services inc)
• Simply postponing that first drink/drug, and putting something
in it's place, provides us with a chance to THINK about our drinking history
and the probable results of starting to drink/drug (e.g.- replacing drink
with a soda or fruit eating something sweet allays the urge to use and
allows us to postpone use for say, the next hour). Divide dividing the
day into hours/ half hours etc. We can achieve sobriety by living "just
for today" (tomorrow is not now!).
• Never allow yourself to become: too tired; too lonely or too hungry.
The notion to drink arrives from nowhere when we are tired/hungry. Generally
a snack & nap can change our feelings completely.
• Sometimes for no apparent reason, we found ourselves undergoing
an onslaught of anxiety, fear, terror even panic, this happens to lots
of human beings, not just addicts.
• Confront your fear whether you shake, quiver or retreat you have
succeeded ‘cause you dared to test fear.
• Alcohol gravates insomnia. Alcohol is full of calories (it makes
you fat too). It numbs the central nervous system so that we cannot feel
discomfort; after the anaesthetic effect wears off, it produces agitation
that feels like nervous energy.
• When alcohol wears off, we feel left out and remote, compounding
the post rape experience and the risk of shame/guilt/blame, which in turn
leads to drinking/ drug abuse.
• A host of personality traits can allow us to self-destruct. Be
vigilant against anger, as this ties up closely with intoxication. The
shapes & colours of anger are: distrust, anxiety, suspicion, tension,
sarcasm, intolerance, contempt & hatred. Justifiable anger is perhaps
the trickiest of all and is a luxury we cannot afford. Commend yourself
for every little victory along the way. That's one more step towards recovery
and total well - being.
Relapse
prevention:
(**as quoted: Sexual Abuse Survivor's Tools In Recovery-
Relapse prevention is a therapeutic approach to maintain treatment gains
by reducing risk and strengthening decision-making skills.
Most relapses occur because the recovering person forgets or chooses not
to use effective coping strategies. Negative emotional state (i.e. anger,
anxiety or depression) sets the stage of distorted thinking. Interpersonal
conflict with a spouse, family member, friend or employer is another factor
contributing to relapse. Social pressure, also produces relapse. Negative
emotional state, interpersonal conflict and social pressure are triggers
for relapse in high-risk situations.
Each recovering person must set his or her own limits. Talk with recovery
group members, your therapist and your spouse about decisions you are
making with respect to boundaries & reducing risk.
- Express something verbally-yell if necessary
- Write in a journal
- Breathing exercises/relaxation exercises
- Visualize a "stop" sign
- Use positive affirmations
- Monitor self talk-change negative to positive
- Dance
- Pray
- Exercise
- Draw
Addiction/alcoholism
has a ripple effect that impacts on the family's emotional & mental health.
Groups such as Tough- Love, provide a 10 step-principle program for family
members living with the addict/alcoholic. Very often an addiction would
not have progresses if loved ones had taken a stand and applied "tough-
love". Do not protect the addict/alcoholic from the consequences of their
chemical abuse/dependency, for example, by trying to get them off court
cases, paying debtors or fines, bailing them out of trouble by telling
lies. Addict's stay as sick as their secrets. If trust has been broken
through lying, stealing & hollow promises, the addict/alcoholic needs
to earn that trust.
Children who live with an alcoholic/addict as parent, are likely to repeat
the behaviour cycle into maturity.
- Avoid hostility, hatred, and condemnation, lecturing moralizing. You are there to help them.
- Allow the addicted person to feel the full weight of the consequences of their behaviour.
- Do not seek reasons why the addicted person drinks/abuses drugs, or drink. This is a futile exercise.
- Recovery is a process not an event.
Useful numbers & web-sites
Numbers
in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Durban & Port Elizabeth
• AA- tel: (011) 452-9907, (021) 418-0020, (031) 301-4959, (041)
585-4019 www.alcholicsanonymous.org.za/
• AlAnon- tel: (011) 435-9792, (021) 418-0021, (031) 304-1826
• NA- tel: Email: webservants@na.org.za
Website: www.na.org.za/
Tel: 021-946-2480
Fax: 021-946-1238, Att: Konrad
NA Western Cape Area helpline: 0881-30-03-27
• NarAnon- tel: 083-343-8368, 088-1296791
• Lifeline- tel: (011) 728-1347, (021) 461-1111/3, (031) 312-2323,
(041) 558-565/523 www.lifeline.org.za/
• Tough Love –tel: (011) 886-3344 – hours 8:30- 12:30
• Houghton House –tel: (011) 728-0850 www.home.global.co.za/~hhrc/
* You can find more about the scientific basis of the disease by visiting
other web sites such as :
• www.health.org/
; www.casacolumbia.org/
References: www.bettyfordcenter.org/
www.steppingstones.co.za/
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