COUNSELLING
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Do NOT give orders
            such as "now do not go home and risk more abuse"

Do NOT make threats 
            such as "if you do not answer these questions now you will be sorry"

Do NOT lecture or moralise
           such as "it will be better for the children if the family stays together"

Do NOT give advice or offer solutions
           such as "you should move out of the house right away"

Do NOT judge criticise or blame
           such as "how can a smart woman like you stay with an abusive man"

Do NOT interpret or diagnose
            such as "you are feeling like this because you lack confidence"

Do NOT praise or agree
            such as "of course you are strong enough to raise your children alone"

Do NOT give empty reassurances or sympathy
            such as  "don't worry everything will be alright" or "time will heal"

Do NOT interrogate
            such as "exactly what did you say to him"

Do NOT withdraw or divert the conversation
          such as "now I want to talk about another aspect of the problem"

Do NOT talk about your own expiences
         such as "that reminds me of a time when I had a problem with my husband."  

Data from Rapcan, Cape Town rapcan@iafrica.com and the Namibian
Multimedia Campaign against gender violence

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