SPEAK OUT

COUNSELLING
EXPLORING DEEP FEELINGS - - FOR TRAUMA VICTIMS

People who have suffered a physical or emotional trauma may carry around deep unresolved feelings relating to whatever happened to them.

Seeking to explore the feelings is one method by which one rebuilds one's life. The alternative is that the unresolved feelings tend to exceed an oppressive control which can hinder people in getting on with their lives.

One method which has been developed to enable deep level emotional healing to occur, is the 4-step Stettbacher process illustrated in Alice Miller's DRAMA OF THE GIFTED CHILD. This method involves:

1)-Identifying what happened to you;
2)-Expressing your thoughts about what happened, condemning the deed; (eg: " I think what was done to me was extremely inconsiderate")
3)-Expressing the feelings about what happened; (eg: " I feel very angry over what happened")
4)-Expressing needs and wants: (eg: "I need to feel safe and secure")
The 3rd step can be explored at deep levels using a process developed by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, in his series on self-esteem. The following exploration exercises are an adaptation of Dr. Branden's method, which focuses on emotions such as anger, fear and trust. Whereas Branden's approach is quite general, his technique has been adapted to explore some very specific emotions experienced by victims of trauma.

The Branden approach involves 10-steps. People using this technique should try to write or speak out 6-10-endings to each of the sentence beginnings, either individually, in a group, or one on one with a coach in the role of counsellor:

SUPPRESSION:
This exercise may assist some people in exploring their suppression/denial over a trauma they may have lived through.

1)-Sometimes I suppress what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
2)-Sometimes when I suppress what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
3)-One of the ways my suppressing what happened to me, comes out is _ _ _ _ _ _
4)-One of the ways I hide my suppression of what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
5)-If I fully admitted and accepted my suppression of what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
6)-A better way of dealing with my suppression of what happened to me _ _ _ _ _
7)-I am becoming aware _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
8)-I'm beginning to suspect _ _ _ _ _ _ _
9)-Right now it seems obvious _ _ _ _ _ _
10)- If any of what I've been writing/saying is true _ _ _ _ _ _
REMEMBERING:
This exercise can assist some people in coming to terms with the memory of something they lived through:

1)-Sometimes I remember what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _ _
2)-Sometimes, when I remember what happened to me I _ _ _ _ _ _
3)-One of the ways my memory of what happened to me comes out is _ _ _ _ _ _
4)-One of the ways I hide remembering what happened to me _ _ _
5)-If I fully admitted and accepted the memory of what happened to me _ _ _ _ _
6)-A better way to deal with the memory of what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
7)-I am becoming aware _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
8)-I am beginning to suspect _ _ _ _ _ _ _
9)-Right now it seems obvious _ _ _ _ _ _
10)-If any of what I've been writing/saying is true _ _ _ _ _ _
FEELINGS:
Trauma victims who remember what happened to them sometimes have very strong feelings over what was done to them. They may feel intense powerlessness, they may feel helpless, they may feel alone and abandoned, they could experience bouts of uncontrolled crying, they could feel a deep sense of loss or grief, or they may feel an intense level of anger and rage. Whatever happened to them, they may have lost something very important and very special - it is a loss they may have to grieve and mourn. They may need to go through the stages of grieving and mourning as they undertake the emotional journey toward recovery and wholeness in rebuilding their lives.

FEAR
1)-Sometimes I feel afraid over what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _
Adapt to the 10-steps as shown, for fear over what happened:
ANGER
1)-Sometimes I feel angry over what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _
Go through the 10-steps as shown:
LOSS
1)- Sometimes I feel a loss over what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _
Go through the 10-steps:
HURT
1)-Sometimes I feel hurt over what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _ _
Do the 10-steps
GRIEVING
1)-Sometimes I grieve over what happened to me when _ _ _ _ _ _
2)-Sometimes when I grieve over what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _
3)-One of the ways my grief over what happened comes out is _ _ _ _ _ _ _
4)-One of the ways I hide my grief over what happened _ _ _ _ _ _ _
5)-If I fully admitted and accepted my grief over what happened to me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
6)-A better way of grieving over what happened to me may be _ _ _ _ _ _ (Some people have destructive ways of dealing with grief, eg: alcohol or drugs).
7)-I am becoming aware _ _ _ _ _ _ _
8)-I am beginning to suspect _ _ _ _ _ _
9)-Right now it seems obvious _ _ _ _ _ _
10)-If any of what I've been writing/saying is true _ _ _ _ _ _
Quite often, trauma victims may adopt an adaptive or coping behaviour. They could isolate themselves and avoid people, they could turn to drugs or alcohol or even cling to another person they see as a source of security (co-dependency behaviours) .In the worst case, they could do something extremely drastic and end their own lives. In their behaviour, some may only be able to relate what happened to them and have difficulty trying to condemn the deed that was done to them or express their unresolved feelings about the event. The healing journey is a process, which helps give people power and control by having them participate in their recovery by doing the exercises. By having them actively take responsibility for their healing journey, after providing them with the recovery tools, they learn to take back their power on their road to wholeness.