SURVIVOR'S STORIES
GANG RAPE - Gemma

I'm not sure how long the journey was, I was terrified. I couldn't move, my legs and arms seemed to be frozen or glued to the floor of the van. Eventually the van stopped and I was roughly thrown out of the van as my blindfold was removed. I attempted to run only to be thrown to the ground by a man the size of a horse. I was picked up and leant against the van. Two held me while four stood in front of me looking at me, in a way I can only describe as pure evil. I was told to undress by one of the men I had talked to earlier, I was frozen solid and was told either I undress or they were going to make me. I was humiliated and horrified, I couldn't move and certainly couldn't undress.

I was again thrown to the floor and one of them sat on top of me and tore off my sweater and unzipped my jeans. I was was forced to lay on the cold, dirty floor, with only my bra and jeans on. One of them stood over me and put his hands inside his trousers he stood for five minutes doing this and then grabbed my hands and made me do it with him. He seemed content with that and then walked away, it was another's turn now. He took a knife out of his pocket and held it against my stomach not cutting me but threatening to if I made a noise. He pulled off my jeans and then took my pants off. Ii knew what was about to happen, I was sobbing, too scared to struggle or scream. He finished and the others took their turn. I was made to perform oral sex, to help them masturbate. I was numb, unable to feel anything, still unable to scream.

Finally one of them climbed on top of me and slid the knife all the way down the inside of my legs leaving a huge gash, I could hear them talking inside the van about whether to leave me or to dump me somewhere. At one point killing me came up in the converstaion, I was still lying on the floor crying, cold, scared, confused, thinking it was all a nightmare. I was lying in a pool of blood, sweat and dirt, it had created a glue, my body was stuck to the floor. I found the energy to crawl to where my clothes had been thrown and wrapped my sweater round me.

I suddenly felt someone grab my leg and yank me backwards I was pulled across the ground, I could feel blood pouring from my back and legs. This was the final and most brutal attack, I had all of my limbs held by the other men, the one with the knife sat on me and slid his hand over my stomach and continued going further until he reached the place he wanted. He started speaking, 'you are really pretty, do you know that?' small comments like that, which still haunt me to this day. He started to finger me and then kissed me passionately,as though he really cared for me. I begged him not to hurt me, he looked at his friends and raped me. He lay on me his full body weight was crushing my chest I could barely breathe. He lay on top of me, not moving, breathing heavily for what seemed like a year. He took his knife and said, 'this is just for remeberance purposes,' and he carved a line just below my navel, he got up signalled to his mates then left.

When I realised they had gone for good I crawled over to my clothes and tried to put them on, as I pulled my jeans up I screamed in pain, the cuts in my legs were deep and agonisingly painful. I staggered toward a warehouse and my legs gave way just after reaching it, lying on the floor I kept thinking, I am not dying in here. I found the energy to open the doors and leave I staggered into the path of a car. As it halted I collapsed in a heap to see two men get out of the car and a woman leaning out of the car window. I begged them for help and started crying, one knelt beside me and just held me, his voice was kind and the woman was leaning over me tears streaming down her face holding my hand. They were asking me my name, I had a mental block, eventually I remembered and told them. The comfort I found in them was unbelievable, three strangers helped me more than I could ever had wished, they reassured me that I was safe and nothing would happen to me. I eventually heard the sirens, I felt faint and lightheaded.

The next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital room with my brother standing in the doorway. What happened suddenly came flooding back to me and I cried hysterically. Richard, my brother, held me so tight, without trying to hurt me, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

The assault was reported in hospital, the police questioning me were kind but I was in no fit state to answer their questions, nothing that happened was in my memory. It took six weeks before I could help the police at all.
All of the men were eventually caught and prosecuted, four got 20 year sentences one got life and the last only got five years. I faced them in court, it was too much for me, it almost killed me, sitting looking at them all sitting as though they had done nothing wrong. I'm glad I did it but it was difficult.

The physical scars have healed but the mental scars are still here, flash backs, the nightmares, the panic attacks still happen, there are becoming less but still only two and a half years sfter it happened, Ive apparently made a brilliant recovery, or thats what the counsellor says. Some days I don't think about it other days Í can't stop thinking about it, it all depends on how happy I am. It has taken a long time to be able to talk about his openly but I know it's not my fault and that not all men are as sick as them. thanx for the chance to share this, i hope it hasn't upset anyone i sisn't mean to. Thanx again, Gemma Mckeown

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