stories

SURVIVOR'S STORIES
JULIA'S STORY

Julia paced the tiny lounge nervously curling her hair tightly with
one hand, where is Reece he’s late, it’s 6:30 and he isn’t home yet,
that can only mean one thing, he’s out drinking again. At last she
walked over to the couch at the window and sat down heavily. Outside
the wind blew eerily, the leaves of the banana tree thudding and
dragging on the windowpanes. Far below Julia could see the myriad of
lights that was the heart of Pietermaritzburg twinkling slyly as if in
laughter. A bout of loneliness grasped Julia’s heart, I should have
kept Keeran with me she thought sadly, I should have kept my baby with
me, but how could I when I know what is bound to happen the second his
father walks through that door, how can I force my baby to watch
again. Sighing heavily Julia walked into the kitchen, maybe I should
just visit Bradley and Megan, but then I’d have to explain where Reece
is and feel like a third wheel in their company, besides, Pastor
Mitchell’s dogs would eat me alive. “A nice hot cup of coffee would be
just perfect right about now,” Julia said aloud squaring her
shoulders.

Ten o’clock, where is he, what if he’s lying dead in the gutter
somewhere, he always picks fights when he’s drunk, I should go look
for him. Just then a dragging sound came from the front door. Julia
inched her way toward it, her heart beating deafeningly in her head.
Taking a deep breath she opened it a crack and peeped outside. “Oh my
God, Reece, what happened, look at you, get up, come on, come inside.
Reece there’s blood on your shirt, what happened, come inside so I can
see”, grabbing his arms she tried to pick Reece up off the doorstep
only to be shoved off like a nagging fly. “Just leave me alone”, he
muttered lifting himself to his feet clumsily, “ I can do it myself.
Where’s my knife, I want my knife, where’d you hide it, the bastards,
I’ll get them, they’ll pay for fucking with Reece Everton. It’s my
car, my fucking car.” Throwing himself through the front door Reece
lurched drunkenly from room to room with Julia in tow.

Suddenly he turned growling “Where’d you put it Bitch, where you put
my fucking money? I want it now. Give me my fucking money now!”
“Money, what money Reece I haven’t got any money of yours” Julia
shrieked as his fist collided with the side of her head making her
stagger backwards, “Oh, oh y-you mean the money from the loan? Didn’t
you get it this morning?” Backing down the passage, tears pouring
uncontrollably down her face Julia tried to reason with him, “You only
came home now Reece how would I have the money?” Another punch sent
Julia careering towards the bathroom door. “You’ve got it I know you
have, give it to me now before I make you” Reece said menacingly.
Physically and mentally dazed Julia could only stare at Reece.
“Oh, acting dumb are you, I’ll make you talk” Reece jeered as he
staggered out of the bedroom. Oh God, oh my God he’s going to kill me
Julia thought. I can’t get out, I won’t get past him. Gasping, she
surveyed her surroundings, the bathroom, get into the bathroom. By now
Reece was on his way back armed with the biggest kitchen knife he
could find. “I’m going to make you pay Bitch, stealing my money …” he
shouted as he lurched up the passage. Julia ran into the bathroom and
slammed the door behind her just as Reece reached it. With a click it
was locked behind her. By now her throat uncontrollably emitted tiny
squeaks as she collapsed on the floor, tears pouring unnoticed down
her cheeks. On the other side of the door Reece lifted the knife and
drove it into the bathroom door, “think you can hide from me Bitch,
think you can hide from me Thief, I’ll get you, you’ll see.” Each stab
brought the knife closer to Julia as she sat in a shivering heap on
the floor. Unable to move the tiny squeaks turned to guttural screams
of terror, “Help please, somebody help me. Mummy, I want my Mummy…”
Julia screamed. Suddenly the grinding of the knife stopped, silence,
even the wind stopped it’s incessant beating.

Half an hour went by and still Julia sat where she was. Reece must be
passed out now she thought as she stood on shaky legs that didn’t seem
to want to support her. Opening the door an inch she wearily eyed the
crumpled mass on the bed that was her husband. Spurred into action by
the knowledge that he could no longer hurt her, not for the time being
anyway, Julia first pulled off Reece’ socks and shoes and then his
pants and pulled the blanket out from under his alcohol and blood
soaked mass. He was so heavy that she fell forward onto him and,
instantly repelled by his stench, she placed her hands on his hips to
push herself off him and felt something thick and hard in his
underpants. With eyes tightly closed she put her hands in his
underpants and fished out a thick wad of banknotes, R2500 in R50
notes, Reece was so drunk that he couldn’t feel the hard banknotes
next to his soft genital skin, and he’d tried to kill her for it!

The dawn of a new day brought with it evidence of the stormy night.
Tree branches lay strewn across the yard, the seedlings Julia had so
lovingly planted the week before lay on their oval bed, their tender
roots exposed to the bitter cold of a winter’s morning. Julia stood at
her lounge window again, surveying the world before her, just like my
own life, she thought sadly, what’s the use of even trying. Keeran is
better of without me, I don’t have any patience with him, I don’t feel
like being a loving mother half the time anyway. Reece’s mother loves
Keeran so much, she would bring him up better than I ever could.
I’m an embarrassment to my family, I can just hear the people talking
about my life, they won’t say Julia Everton or even Reece Everton’s
wife, they’ll say Reginald Thomas’ daughter, no wonder my mother won’t
come here. When she does it’s as if the couch burns her bum anyway.
Opening the bottle of tablets Julia took a handful and swallowed them
with water.

And as for Reece, he doesn’t even like me let alone love me. He goes
out every weekend all weekend and doesn’t even worry that somebody
will break into the house, find me here and rape or murder me. Maybe
that wouldn’t even be so bad, it’s not as if Reece ever touches me. He
has to be drunk to make love to me, as if I repel him or something. I
have no friends, even if Reece allowed me to have any nobody would
like me anyway, I’m weird and Reece is right, I’m stupid too. If I get
a divorce I’ll spend the rest of my life alone, Reece is right there
too, I’m too fat, no man would ever be interested in me. With a gulp
she swallowed another handful. Who will miss me, she thought sadly,
how long will it take for my family to even know I’m dead. Reece will
notice though, there won’t be anybody for him to be nasty to, who will
he blame for all his problems. With a laugh Julia swallowed another
handful of tablets. It will be 2 o’clock before he wakes up anyway and
then it will be too late. Stumbling over to the nearest couch she sat
and stared at the television, not seeing anything that was on and not
caring.

So tired, she thought a while later as she lay on the couch, the
blanket clasped tightly around her. I’m so very tired, I’ll just close
my eyes for a moment, maybe I’ll be lucky and never ever wake up.

The loud screech of an airborne monkey woke Julia 2 hours later.
Sitting up groggily she stared across the lounge at Reece sitting and
watching television without a care in the world. He didn’t even turn
to look at her as she rose from the couch and made her way to the
bathroom. Didn’t work, bloody stupid tablets didn’t work, she thought
as she opened the bathroom door, just made me feel dizzy and sick.
With a queasy thick feeling in her stomach, Julia ran her bath water
and tried not to think about the cold, unfeeling man sitting in the
lounge. Next time, the next time I do it will work and then I won’t
have to feel this pain anymore.

“Reece please, there’s nothing to cook for lunch and I’m hungry.
Keeran has been by your mother since Friday night he must be missing
us, he’ll think we don’t love him. And we go to my mother for lunch
every Sunday anyway, you know that if we don’t go she’ll think
something is wrong.” Julia sat begging Reece who didn’t even show that
his mind registered the sound of her voice. After a while he stood up
silently and walked out of the room. Julia smiled to herself a while
later as she heard the bath water running, we are going to my mother
then, I’d better get dressed, she thought.

“Hi Mummy, hi Daddy” Julia called as she walked through her parent’s
back door, “what’s for lunch I’m starving! Keeran, go and greet your
grandparents. Reece, do you want roast or curry?” “Don’t be rude
Julia” Reece muttered as he glared at her from across the kitchen, “we
should at least sit down for a while before you dish up, we can’t just
walk in and start eating.” “Ag man, it’s my mother’s house and I
always do this anyway, she won’t mind” Julia said happily as she
spooned thick creamy macaroni into a plate, “Call Keeran for me will
you, the poor child must be just as hungry …” Julia chatted
incessantly as she happily busied herself with the tasks of a wife and
mother. “Hello my niece, how are you, hello Reece, how’s your head? I
hope you haven’t been fucking my niece around hey ‘cause then I’ll
have to bust you up myself,” Auntie Pixie said teasingly as she walked
into the kitchen and sat at the kitchen counter. Julia, who’d been
taking her plate out of the microwave stopped mid-air and, turning
slowly, she looked at her aunt who was sitting and grinning at Reece.

Okay then, she thought letting out the breath she’d been holding, she
doesn’t know anything, good. “What, my wonderful husband, never. I’m
hungry Reece, I’m going to sit with my mother okay?” and without a
backward glance Julia slipped out of the kitchen and up the passage to
her mother’s bedroom.

Julia sat morosely at the bottom of her parent’s bed and swallowed the
last mouthful of her late lunch. “What’s the sour face for Julia”, her
mother asked, “you never smile, perk up child, smile awhile. Don’t you
know that if you smile the whole world smiles with you?” “Just leave
her Renette”, Don, Julia’s father said, “that’s her natural face
anyway.” “Laverne and Dino are watching movies in the TV room Julia,
why don’t you go and watch with them” Renette suggested concentrating
as she applied cutex to her fingernails. With a sigh Julia stood up,
“What have they got Mummy?” “I don’t know my child, why don’t you go
and see” Renette answered absent-mindedly.

Pulling herself up to her full height, Julia took a deep breath and
opened the TV room door. “Hello everyone,” she said softly, keeping
her head down, “Reece, can I sit with you?” In answer, Reece pushed
himself back on his beanbag and opened his legs a tad. Julia sat in
the proffered beanbag and leaned back against the chest of the man she
loved. I wish it was like this all the time, she thought, content as
she sat ensconced in Reece’s arms.

The next weekend it happened again, no knives, no wad of money, but
the same punching and terrorising. Julia hadn’t run around Reece like
an over-zealous maid, instead she’d told him exactly what she thought
of him. “The only reason you hit women is because you can’t hit men,
you’re nothing but a coward,” she gasped as she leaned against the
bedroom door, trying to close it behind her. “And you’re stupid,
that’s why you work for the government” Reece shouted back, blocking
the bedroom door with his foot. Thrusting the door open with such a
vengeance that Julia was thrown across the room, Reece bore down on
her, fists tightly clenched at his side. “You think I don’t know what’
you’ve been doing huh? You think I don’t know that you’ve been fucking
around behind my back?” he ground out menacingly as he towered above
her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Reece, I don’t even go
anywhere. Where would I meet anyone to do that with?” Julia half
whispered as she pushed back against the wall. With one deft movement
Reece picked her up and threw her on the bed, somehow managing to fist
her so hard as he did so that she just fell back and lay there, dazed.
“Trying to make me a cunt huh, you’ll be sorry,” Reece continued,
lifting his arm to deliver another blow. Julia turned herself over on
the bed with an effort and lay in a foetal position, hands over her
head. “Reece, please, don’t do this, you know I didn’t do anything”,
she whimpered. Reece knelt looking at her for a while then, getting
off the bed he turned and walked away. “Huh, fuck you, you’re nothing
but a fucking bitch anyway” he said.

A new day dawned as usual with nothing new in Julia’s life. Everything
was still the same. This time Julia didn’t take an overdose though,
when she rose in the morning she cooked a lavish lunch and sat
watching television waiting for Reece to wake up. When he was still
asleep at 2 o’clock she walked quietly into the room and sat on the
bed beside him. Shaking him gently she whispered to him “Reece
darling, please wake up. I’ve cooked us a lovely lunch, aren’t you
hungry?” When he didn’t show any signs of waking up she slid over him
and laying on top of him she pulled his eyes open. “Hello, Reece, I
know you’re in there somewhere. Honey, wake up please, I’m so lonely.”
With a grunt Reece opened an eye and looked at her and then closed it
again. Pulling the blankets over her, he snuggled up to her sleepily
told her it was still early, “Just five more minutes Jules, five
minutes.” Julia lay there a few minutes enjoying the feeling, so safe,
so secure, so married! “Reece,” she whispered as she rained kisses
over his face, “Honey, do you think we can have another baby now?
Keeran is almost 5 already and he keeps asking when we’re going to
town to buy him a brother. Honey, the child is lonely, please?” “Okay
okay, just let me sleep a little bit longer,” Reece muttered tiredly.
That’s what we need, Julia thought happily, another baby, then Reece
will grow up and start acting like a married man. Yup, life is what
YOU make of it! Everything’s going to be just fine.

This is a part of a survivor's story (she has changed all the names). She is no longer with her husband, but felt that if women read some of this they may feel they are not alone in their experiences. The content of this story is not unique by any means nor does it cover all women's stories, but it gives an idea of the feelings or experiences women in domestically abusive relationships feel.