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SURVIVOR'S
STORIES A few weeks ago I had an argument with my father. This usually happens every couple of months, but this time something was different. It was something that I will never forget. "You give too much of yourself to others..." The argument is now forgotten, but those words still haunt me. It is not that I have a choice in helping abuse survivors. I have no choice - I have to do it. I know how they feel because I was there once and sometimes I still go back to that place. This year it is five years. No, I was not at a party. No, I was not walking or driving somewhere. I was sleeping in my bed when this man came through the bathroom window and raped me. A whole new life started for me that night. A good life - a survivor's life. I reported the case, went to court and he was found not guilty. Not guilty because he did not do it - not guilty because the investigating officer did not do his job properly. It was the prosecutor who advised me to lay a charge against the investigating officer for not following proper procedures. There was an internal hearing, but after going time after time and him (the investigating officer) having excuses every time for the hearing to be postponed, I gave up after almost three years. I wanted to share my experiences with people. I even wrote a letter to Pres. Mandela, which did not really bear any fruit. But I did not give up. With the help of counselling and the love and support of friends, my sister and parents, I decided to start a support group. The group has been active for the past four years supporting victims of abuse. Every time I share my experience with people - be it in churches, at schools or at rallies - I heal a little bit. This is my healing process and it has made of me a better person. A person who does only think about myself, but about others out there who perhaps does not have the inner strength that I had to continue with life. Each one of us have a purpose on earth. God has put us here for a reason. A crime had to be committed for me to realise my purpose. This may sound quite weird, but I would not change a thing, because what I have found, no one can take away from me. I now have inner peace, inner strength and the ability to cope with life. Yes, I do have my ups and downs and I realise that my healing process is far from over, but I have made a start. That is the most important. If you would like to contact Tonye please e-mail her at langenhovent@mail.pentech.ac.za THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A VICTIM AND A SURVIVOR? A SURVIVOR IS A VICTIM WITH AN ATTITUDE!!
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